My perspective at the moment

Zoe, who channels the guidance for this blog, (I ask the questions of the spirit guides and type it up) has been encouraging me to write about my personal experience of having a fourth recurrence of stage 4 cancer. I have felt reticient about this for a number of reasons: 1) this blog is not about my thoughts but rather chanelled information from a group of spirit guides,2)I feel quite vulnerable sharing my thoughts, emotions and fears. However, I have decided to do so and the following post is by me, about me, for you. So, very different from the rest of the content on this blog. In October 2011, a routine scan picked up cancer nodules in my lungs, breast cancer secondaries, I was terrified as I understood that the medical community believed that breast cancer secondaries are "incurable" and can also spread fast. This was the situation that I had been dreading ever since I was first diagnosed with early breast cancer 8 years before, although I had had a second and third recurrence in the intervening years these had been isolated tumours not crazy all over the place cancer. I became more and more terrified as the cancer worsened really quickly despite all my efforts. I was soon struggling to walk or stand and my hips were very painful. The cancer had eaten holes in my hips (and other places to)o and it was widespread thorughout my skeleton. I could hardly breathe as I had several litres of water on my lungs and was vomitting alot. The treatment I was on really hit my immune system and I had several emergency blood transfusions and admissions to hospital, additionally I couldn't face food or water. Looking back I don't know how I kept going but I did, even when nothing appeared to be working. I had and still have the knowing that anything can be cured or healed. There is evidence (from a number of case studies on all types of illness) to suggest this is the case but my knowledge of energy medicine and trust in the power of God shored up this belief. There are far too many knock backs, needles and being cut up to mention but things got worse when a brain scan showed I also had cancer on my brain. I felt I had really hit rock bottom and was terrified of the conventional treatment offered to me and also terrified of this monster attacking my brain and how that might affect me. I decided not to tell people as I thought it would freak them out. As usual, my emotional crash did subside and real anger and a "how dare it" attitude kicked in. I had had enough and was even more determined to become completely healthy. I upped my natural healing regime and really tried to surrender to the will of God, whatever that be. The healing from my healer in Forres was helping as was the new chemo I was on. I was really helped by reading, "Dying to be me" by Anita Moorjani. It describes an incredible near death expereince after she almost died from cancer. After coming back to life, out of a coma, her body recovers completely from cancer. Her message, amongst others, is to surrender and love yourself. I had my own amazing miracles in the latter part of 2012 with the cancer healing comepletely from my brain and lungs. I cannot explain how amazing that felt and how unbelievable it felt too. I am so grateful for my body's ability to heal and it has demonstrated it can do brillaince things! However, since then it has become more active in my lungs again. This has really scared me and made me question my faith in my ability to heal and whether I am just plain mad. Luckily, there are enough people to reassure and support me. Although, I find it really painful and upsetting to hear about others with cancer whose situation deteriorates or who pass over. Especially, friends. I remind myself that everything is temporary and to see them in their divine light as beautiful strong beings. At the moment I am working on getting as healthy as possible and raising my vibration by experiencing as much love and gratitude as I can. A recent course with Sandra Ingerman (shaman from New Mexico) helped keep me on track with my manifestation tools and decreeing that, "I am well" rather than petitioning for wellness. But it is all really tough on so many levels and in so many ways. My biggest challenge is enormous fear and staying in a space of surrender and love and gratitude.

22: Causes of cancer: enviromental or emotional?

FIONA HERE: this dialogue was recorded over a year ago before I was diagnosed with the recurrence of cancer from which I am currently healing. I think it is very useful for all sorts of situations and a very good reminder for me. ======================================================================================================================== FIONA: I am thinking about the causes of cancer. Some say it is caused by toxic emotions; others that it is caused by environment toxins. Can you shed any light on this? GUIDES: Yes. We take you back to what we initially said on this subject. Cancer is one of the ways the body will choose as a means to exit life. When you are looking to exit life the body will begin to accumulate matter in the body as the system becomes sluggish towards life in general. Think about it. You move less when you are unhappy and your thoughts become far more polluted in their nature. The mechanisms for exit can be physical in nature. But by the time they become physical in nature, such as the body has manifested a mass or masses, which can be diagnosed as cancer, there has been a great build up to this point. Although it seems to those of you diagnosed it has been overnight, there has been a build up towards this. Now all of you are right in thinking that it is a genetic issue, and that it is a mental issue, and that it is a toxic issue. The mechanism that causes the manifestation of disease in the individual is individual. But what must be noticed is the commonality with all of you that end up with a diagnosis of cancer, is that there has been an activation of the desire to exit life. For most of you this will have been on an unconscious, subconscious level. You will probably not have realised you are doing this so you must look to reclaim your joire de vivre. This is the most important message we can ever give you .You understand this, Fiona. This becomes difficult for you when you see it manifesting in other ways in other people. You have been to the point where you are considering your own mortality and you know how it feels. You know how it feels to try and get a sense of self and a sense of living back. It is hard. It is much easier to become more full of life without a diagnosis of cancer than it is with one. However, should you wish to remain healthy and you have the strength to do so, engage with life. How do you do this? This is individual to each of you. It will be important that all of you think about what you need to do for your healing. If your body has a level of toxicity or pollutants in it, then cleanse it. But do this lovingly- not aggressively- for cleansing the body aggressively simply adds more of the wrong input into the system. What do we mean? It is simply another thing about how bad my life is. We would rather you ate a chocolate bar at this point, if that is what would make you happier. All of you who are willing to do so, please take a look at the contents of your thoughts. You are not taught to think about your thoughts. You are not taught that you are a creator of your thoughts. Instead you are left with a mind that talks and many of you for want of a better word or phrase aren’t aware of the direction you are driving yourself. So when you come to a stop such as a diagnosis of cancer, and you do not wish for your life to end, it is time to turn around.

21: Can energy healing help to cure cancer ?

Hi, Fiona here! I asked these questions of the guides at the end of 2012. Sarah, one of the blog readers suggested them, thanks!! I think they are very interesting. I have and continue to receive various types of energy healing and I believe it has really healped me. ================================================================================== FIONA: Can “spiritual Doctors and [psychic] surgeons” heal physical conditions? GUIDES: Yes. Let us explain how this happens. There is a movement of energy that can be so unique and so transparent that it rewrites what the body, the cell, the organ, is doing. However, the issue here is that the person’s system needs to be able to accept this. How joyful are you? How much can your system sustain energetically? This may seem very, very harsh for some people who would desperately, on reading this, want to find someone who specialises spiritual energetic surgery, who desperately wants to fight for a longer life, a better prognosis? But remember what counts is a better connection with self and how alive do you feel in general. Not all of you at this point are used to having communications with yourself at a deep level and particularly at times when a cancer diagnosis is given or when treatment is undergone. It [prognosis or time undergoing treatment] can have a very disconnecting effect. Where once you might have been able to go within and find answers, the fear of what are facing is enough to disconnect you from the connection you may have once had. As you are all human beings and all mixtures of emotions, we say, “Try everything”! How do you know what you want? It is a bit like an exotic fruit platter, how do you know if it will work for you until you taste it? Now we know this will be controversial in some areas as there is the matter of access to resources. Remember the number one relationship you have is with yourself. The best thing to do is to develop that relationship with self. Choosing things such as chemotherapy is about sustaining that relationship with self as ultimately you choose chemotherapy because you wish to sustain your physical life. It is important that you take all parts of you along with you for that ride; otherwise you could end up, as you know, in an eternal war between wanting and not wanting the medicine. This is the same for any form of treatment. For most of you, things such as healing, people who work with or sense spiritual forces or appear to have spiritual gifts may be on the exotic fruit platter. Try it....but maintain the relationship to self. If you absolutely know you never want to do this and are closed to it then don’t try. If you really are not sure but think you should try then try anyway. If you are willing to try whatever it takes then gorge on the exotic fruit platter. Always keeping a relationship to self and remembering to ask, “Is this right for me?” Remember that your relationship with any practioner, whether a Dr or healer, is of ultimate importance. You must feel good in their company. It is ok to feel challenged in their company but you must feel that they are on your side. This allows you to effectively disarm, this is important especially for energetic interventions. Do you have further questions? FIONA: Do you have to believe in the effectiveness of the healing treatment for it to work? GUIDES: Good question. Do you have to believe in us to read this blog? Do as you wish, accept it, reject it. Listen to your choice in life. Everything is there for you: a healing or an exit plan. We say this with a great deal of mirth. FIONA: What is the best way to choose a spiritual healer? GUIDES: Ask us for help. Start praying to God for miracles. If you believe in God, ask God, if you believe in angels, ask angels. If you believe you are helped by a loved one who has passed over ask them to find the very best on the other side. Or work with a practitioner who has these tools in their toolbox. Unfortunately, at this moment in time you cannot google energy therapists who work with spiritual surgeons and find them as most of them keep this hidden. There are a couple who specialise in this area and promote that. But working with any energy practitioner who is worth their salt will be aligned with your interests therefore will be pulling on resources from spiritual sides and this may include spiritual surgeons. This is not exclusive there are many ways you can utilise spiritual forces to help you heal. Surgery is just the most human of them all. It is a spiritual aspect of what a Dr could do for you. Does this make sense? Within the spiritual realm is everything. Every scientist who walked this earth and ever will, every miracle worker. Pull on it all. When you simply ask for this help and desire it and truly believe, and we mean truly believe then this will be delivered to you. That is the role of Spirit. You can do this by yourself. By lying in bed, in meditation or in prayer, or in nature. You can ask your body to tap into its healing resources as we have described before and it will follow your instructions. Your best relationship is always to yourself. Always the undoing for a human being is an aspect of yourself. So work to deeper states of love, appreciation and self respect. Get help with the aspects of your undoing such as self denial, the person who continues exactly as they were as they undergo treatment or the person who stops everything of their life in order to face this head on. You cannot keep an aspect of yourself separate from the other aspects of you. For that is what you are. You are a mixture of body, mind and spirit. Spiritual Beings in Physical bodies. If you wish to turn around any situation it is useful to utilise all aspects of you. You are at a time in your evolutionary consciousness that you choose to access certain parts more readily than others and for most of you this will mean choosing physical means. For some of you this will include spiritual means but the answers are in the holistic. You cannot separate the spirit from the physical while you are alive: that separation happens in death. Have we gone too far off the topic, Fiona? We suggest that you face things head on. Gather a team of people that you are willing to try and go anyway. There are options for those with limited resources. There are healing groups for those who wish to try healing. There are distance healing groups such as you and Zoe are involved in. Although you to a lesser degree Fiona, you are just a receiver. It works. There are those who will simply help you for it is their calling to help you. FIONA: Can healers permanently cure cancer? GUIDES: You have a modern day person who is famed for this. The spiritual teachers of old were all healers. Your Christian church has taken this and made it holy and given to a few and is associated with those who are saintly. If they are not deemed saintly by the Church then.... The real truth of this from where we see it, remembering that the church is a man made structure, is that all of you are healers in your own bodies. Some of you are excellent healers at triggering the healing effect in others. Does this really exist? Yes. You know this to be true, Fiona. Zoe knows this to be true. Do you wish to put all of your eggs into that basket? If you really want something done, and we pull on your management background here, utilise all avenues open to you. Make the best plan and follow it and you will have the best results. There is no need for people to become addicted to faith healing when previously they only took pain killers, for example. Open all avenues; see what is available to you. When it comes to healers a level of faith that you can heal is very helpful. Not in that healer but in the possibility, call it your body, call it God, call it the healer if you wish. Call it the quantum, we like this. The quantum has no connotation to anything other than great possibility. Tap into the quantum, what does that mean?

20: Kids after cancer

Fiona here: This is a session I recorded with the guides over a year ago when I was hoping to start a family before I realised I had yet another recurrence, this time of widespread metastisis.It feels very strange to post something which is so out of sync with my current life but hopefully it will be of value to someone(s).

FIONA: I have been reading about a book by a young woman who went on to adopt and have a child after having had cancer. Can you comment on having kids after cancer? Will the treatment affect getting pregnant or an unborn child? What are the risks? GUIDES: This is a good question and the answer is equally applicable for a man or a woman. We know this interests you. There is a lot of fear around this subject. It is important to remember that the Dr.’s and nurses and researchers come at this with best interests. They are in their positions to save lives, to maintain lives, to restore health. So when they are unsure of something they will say that they are unsure, or they don’t know, or this hasn’t been measured, or, ”We have noticed that there may be a trait...” This is the truth yet if this was the same truth simply put in a different subject area such as, “We have noticed that the fruit that has the colour orange and comes off a tree and this has become known as the flavour orange”, it would feel very different. It is very important for each individual to ask the relevant questions of their Dr. and to listen to the answers of the Dr.- but not to give who they are to their Dr. We know that nobody gives a little miniature version of themselves to their Dr but energetically fear takes over as if the Dr can tell you whether you can live or die. We can tell you that you all will die but this doesn’t make us the grim reaper! Be mindful that when you ask your Dr about any information related to this subject or any subject relating to your health, that although he may have some answers to give you, sometimes those answers will be founded on science, sometimes founded on personal experience, sometimes founded on belief. Question! Have a sense of interest and presence in yourself. Do not give yourself away. For some of you this will be a task in itself. Asking the question seems to be so fearful, such a great stride, that some of you would rather not even ask. But the longings of the heart may push you. Begin with preparing yourself, practicing and having confidence in asking the question initially. Then work at this. If you get terrified, get to know your medical professional better as a human being. Ask them different questions; about their surroundings or their room so that you understand that this is a human being. Just because you need an answer (or so you feel) to a question of great magnitude doesn’t mean the answer comes back with great magnitude. Once you are able to dialogue more confidently with your medical practitioner and you have heard an answer, ask yourself, how you feel. There is no yes or no to this whether people who have had cancer and have made a full recovery should or should not have children. There is no yes or no. For you are no different whether you had cancer to anyone who never had it and there is no yes or no to them in their lives. This is the second part to this process. Ask yourself how you feel. You have added complications but the question itself remains the same: do we, or do I, wish to have a child biologically. If you say yes, then you are thinking and feeling as a human being, not a walking diagnosis of cancer. Anyone who chooses to want a child, rather than find out that they are having a child, prepares. This is the part that becomes more interesting. For you can prepare your body. How? Most of you will want to restore greater levels of physical health. We would advise this for every person wanting to have a child. We would advise this for the men too. You may want to cleanse the body; this is as much a rite of passage as it is a physical exercise in providing the right environment for pregnancy. It is a beautiful rite of passage. If you decide that you do wish to have a biological child and you have prepared your body according to what feels right for you, then you will need to prepare your mind. For your mind is likely to flip-flop between desire and fear. We suggest you tackle this head on. Talk to your Dr or physician, read a book or listen to the stories of others so you fully understand what you are getting into on a mental level. For you will war with yourself and this is not the best situation for anyone’s health, let alone the health of two, to flourish. Having said that, there are many anxious and unsure people who are currently pregnant and will deliver healthy babies. We give this information as part of the preparation and understanding of what needs to happen. Remember, that you are a human being. Some of you will want to bear children, some of you will want to bear children and be fearful; some of you won’t. You are a human being first; you have a complication with your health that is no different to any other health complication in so much as it is a consideration. You seek advice and you understand the impact of that advice on you, on your system. On your physical system and on your mind. You make your choice. It will be an individual choice. What is right for one of you will not be right for another. Do you wish to ask more questions on this? FIONA: Does having had cancer change your DNA in any way that would negatively affect a child? GUIDES: That is a bigger question than you realise. Affect the child’s growth and birth? FIONA: Yes. GUIDES: This would be on an individual level and it is a case of looking at the effects of treatments that have taken place, so you might want to ensure that everything is in working order. Once you know it is then prepare the body in the way that feels right for you and then make your choice. Again, this is no different from someone wishing to have a child. We would suggest and urge them to prepare the body but it is also a natural function to fall pregnant without preparation in which case the woman plays catch up. If you are able to conceive and carry a child to birth, you have been successful. It makes you no different from any other woman. There will be added fears but that also means there is potential for added wonder. Have we answered this Fiona? FIONA: Yes.

19: How nature can help us heal

FIONA: How can one use nature to heal oneself?

GUIDES: You are asking big questions today. We could write a book on this.

FIONA: Just a few pointers, please!

GUIDES: You have evolved from nature and you are nature yourself. You have forgotten that. Remember that. That is the biggest hurdle to stopping a healing response within nature from occurring, to think that you are separate.

The way most of you live it is not surprising that you feel this way. The landscape is, for most of you, for your minds, unconducive to remembering your heritage. Remember, that you are carbon and everything else is carbon. Do with it what you wish, make it, mould it, change it. You cannot alter yourself. This is the first step.

Remember that it is you. You are made of the same materials. You are made of them physically even broken down to the smallest particle. For many of you, who live in cities, it would be useful to even visit a city zoo, to look at the animals and understand that they have eyelashes, fingers (we are speaking of the mammals), eyeballs, and they have a sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing just like you. For others, such as you, Fiona, you may explore your ability to work with nature. You do this anyway. But doing it consciously and directly via a garden allows you to have confidence and takes you into the cycle of life. For some of you this is done as if it is another chore on the to-do list. Often, it is. But that too is a potential.

For those of you who don’t have gardens, open your window and breathe. Everything you need is within you. You are nature; that is the form you take. Nature creates your form and nature will return your form to itself, when you exit. So, everything is there- spread your wings. Should you or others wish to explore this further in the future, these are the main things that anyone in a city can do. Do you wish to take this further now?

FIONA: Do you have any more practical tips?

GUIDES: This is more difficult as the subject is so big. I know you would like a checklist. Let’s give you one of sorts.

1. Understand that nature is you and you are nature and you cannot escape it. You can only escape it when you come back to spirit, when you die. That is also your nature but it is not the nature of form. The world you live in, the bodies that you exist in, that is the natural world. That is your world. Everything you need is in that world. In terms of everything you need to thrive and everything you need to kill yourself. Death is an inevitable part of this world. It is the world of form. It cycles. That is first. It changes not if you are in a tenement block or the jungle. You are part of it.

2. Look for ways that you can connect with this aspect of yourself. This is a mental connection. Physically you are not always connected otherwise you would die e.g. your form needs food and water. You cannot escape this nature that you are in, unless you want to join us.

3. Open your window and breathe. These are all mental tips to reconnect the wiring of who you are, with where you are, and what you are doing. This will promote a healing response in the body; this is what you are looking for, Fiona. You can do this by opening the window and breathing, even in a polluted city. For the healing response is within, it is an understanding of the nature of your reality.

4. Develop a hobby or take visits to a more natural place, whatever that means for you. For some this will be a garden, for some this will be the hills or an ocean. It matters not where. There are different energies and responses for each of these. Simply making a journey is part of the pilgrimage and the ocean or the hill or tree can be the facilitator for your healing much as a person can. So make a pilgrimage, this includes the zoo. We know that for many this may seem distasteful but you will be connected if you can make a connection in your mind with the animals. If you can understand that they are you and you are them. You live on the same earth. You primarily eat the same diet unless you have altered your diet as a human. Look at the parts that you share: eyelashes, nails. Marvel at the majesty of nature and how it can take different forms. Look at your your form and at the forms of others walking around. They are all different. This is as it is to be- different expressions of form. Many of you fight that, but that is for another day.

Those are your practical steps. Perhaps best of all, Fiona, we could tie in some practical steps with the exercise we have already given. This is: sit for 5 minutes and ask the body to prepare itself using the forces of nature. You don’t need to worry about how it works or who is doing what, it will simply happen.

18: Living sustainably & harmful substances

FIONA: Are there any harmful substances that people with cancer should avoid?

GUIDES: Yes we could answer this, and no, we are not going to. The reason for this is that what is helpful and what is harmful is unique to an individual. Painting a blanket picture of what is or isn’t good for you is not helpful in this case. We must be mindful not to spread fear into the minds and hearts of those who are already fearful.

It is possible to exist in this environment and maintain health. There are those of you who are living with and/or are surrounded by those who do not have cancer, who dioxins or other environmental toxicity has not necessarily affected. This is important.

Work to be sustainable. This will reduce your contact with a number of environmental pollutants and more importantly it will set in motion the chain by which you were born. Having a soulful connection with the body, with the whole and with the environment. This is a bigger and more fundamental issue than any foodstuff- perhaps even any medicine.

17: How to help a friend with a diagnosis of cancer

QUESTION FROM FIONA: What is the best way to help a friend who is very ill with cancer?

GUIDES: Ask them. This is the same advice for anyone wishing to help anyone else. Do not assume that you know what needs to be done even if you have gone through something beforehand. Do not assume that what is right for them was also right for you or vice versa.

FIONA: What if they don’t give you a specific answer?

GUIDES: Give them a hug

FIONA: What if they are not in the same country as you?

GUIDES: Give them a phone call. Send them a card. There are many ways to give a hug. Love and support is what is needed.

FIONA: Different people demonstrate love and support in different ways.

GUIDES: They do. Love and support for one person is, "Take this remedy, take this drug, why haven’t you had chemotherapy, try this different drug". For another it is, "How are you?”

If a person is far away from you, you are less likely to be able to offer practical support. However, you can give emotional support. You can ask them if they would like access to information. What we are doing now is providing people with access to information. People you may never meet, Fiona. But, it comes with a hug.