Thursday 19 July 2012

20: Kids after cancer

Fiona here: This is a session I recorded with the guides over a year ago when I was hoping to start a family before I realised I had yet another recurrence, this time of widespread metastisis.It feels very strange to post something which is so out of sync with my current life but hopefully it will be of value to someone(s).
FIONA: I have been reading about a book by a young woman who went on to adopt and have a child after having had cancer. Can you comment on having kids after cancer? Will the treatment affect getting pregnant or an unborn child? What are the risks? GUIDES: This is a good question and the answer is equally applicable for a man or a woman. We know this interests you. There is a lot of fear around this subject. It is important to remember that the Dr.’s and nurses and researchers come at this with best interests. They are in their positions to save lives, to maintain lives, to restore health. So when they are unsure of something they will say that they are unsure, or they don’t know, or this hasn’t been measured, or, ”We have noticed that there may be a trait...” This is the truth yet if this was the same truth simply put in a different subject area such as, “We have noticed that the fruit that has the colour orange and comes off a tree and this has become known as the flavour orange”, it would feel very different. It is very important for each individual to ask the relevant questions of their Dr. and to listen to the answers of the Dr.- but not to give who they are to their Dr. We know that nobody gives a little miniature version of themselves to their Dr but energetically fear takes over as if the Dr can tell you whether you can live or die. We can tell you that you all will die but this doesn’t make us the grim reaper! Be mindful that when you ask your Dr about any information related to this subject or any subject relating to your health, that although he may have some answers to give you, sometimes those answers will be founded on science, sometimes founded on personal experience, sometimes founded on belief. Question! Have a sense of interest and presence in yourself. Do not give yourself away. For some of you this will be a task in itself. Asking the question seems to be so fearful, such a great stride, that some of you would rather not even ask. But the longings of the heart may push you. Begin with preparing yourself, practicing and having confidence in asking the question initially. Then work at this. If you get terrified, get to know your medical professional better as a human being. Ask them different questions; about their surroundings or their room so that you understand that this is a human being. Just because you need an answer (or so you feel) to a question of great magnitude doesn’t mean the answer comes back with great magnitude. Once you are able to dialogue more confidently with your medical practitioner and you have heard an answer, ask yourself, how you feel. There is no yes or no to this whether people who have had cancer and have made a full recovery should or should not have children. There is no yes or no. For you are no different whether you had cancer to anyone who never had it and there is no yes or no to them in their lives. This is the second part to this process. Ask yourself how you feel. You have added complications but the question itself remains the same: do we, or do I, wish to have a child biologically. If you say yes, then you are thinking and feeling as a human being, not a walking diagnosis of cancer. Anyone who chooses to want a child, rather than find out that they are having a child, prepares. This is the part that becomes more interesting. For you can prepare your body. How? Most of you will want to restore greater levels of physical health. We would advise this for every person wanting to have a child. We would advise this for the men too. You may want to cleanse the body; this is as much a rite of passage as it is a physical exercise in providing the right environment for pregnancy. It is a beautiful rite of passage. If you decide that you do wish to have a biological child and you have prepared your body according to what feels right for you, then you will need to prepare your mind. For your mind is likely to flip-flop between desire and fear. We suggest you tackle this head on. Talk to your Dr or physician, read a book or listen to the stories of others so you fully understand what you are getting into on a mental level. For you will war with yourself and this is not the best situation for anyone’s health, let alone the health of two, to flourish. Having said that, there are many anxious and unsure people who are currently pregnant and will deliver healthy babies. We give this information as part of the preparation and understanding of what needs to happen. Remember, that you are a human being. Some of you will want to bear children, some of you will want to bear children and be fearful; some of you won’t. You are a human being first; you have a complication with your health that is no different to any other health complication in so much as it is a consideration. You seek advice and you understand the impact of that advice on you, on your system. On your physical system and on your mind. You make your choice. It will be an individual choice. What is right for one of you will not be right for another. Do you wish to ask more questions on this? FIONA: Does having had cancer change your DNA in any way that would negatively affect a child? GUIDES: That is a bigger question than you realise. Affect the child’s growth and birth? FIONA: Yes. GUIDES: This would be on an individual level and it is a case of looking at the effects of treatments that have taken place, so you might want to ensure that everything is in working order. Once you know it is then prepare the body in the way that feels right for you and then make your choice. Again, this is no different from someone wishing to have a child. We would suggest and urge them to prepare the body but it is also a natural function to fall pregnant without preparation in which case the woman plays catch up. If you are able to conceive and carry a child to birth, you have been successful. It makes you no different from any other woman. There will be added fears but that also means there is potential for added wonder. Have we answered this Fiona? FIONA: Yes.

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