12: Dealing with pain

Background: I was asked to pose this question to the guides by a friend of mine who has had a diagnosis of bone cancer. Thanks for the question!

FIONA: How can one feel surrendered to chronic pain?

GUIDES: Yes. This is a difficult one. It is similar to: how can one be peaceful when one is suffering? Let us look at the somatics of this first. Not everyone will understand the concept of “surrender”. To some it means giving up; to others, as in this case, it means acceptance. We would prefer to talk about: imagine trying to have a good day when the clouds are very dark, it is pouring with rain and you are soaked.

You are not just your body. One of the teachings that your friend who has asked the question is most interested in, is where the mind interfaces with the body. He is nervous that if he moves his mind too far from the body he may just cause his own exit.

The mind processes experience and it labels it as good and bad e.g. when the body feels light and airy, this is good. The acceptance of this leads to further states of elation and further states of feeling light and airy. When it experiences a state that is commonly known as negative, such as chronic pain, the mind labels this painful, difficult, hard and it takes the focus off the mind and it absorbs it in the pain. It circulates the focus of the pain in and around the pain.

This has the unfortunate ability to almost extinguish all parts of your life force so that the whole of one’s being feels like it is one big ball of pain. Now, we are not talking about taking away the pain from the body. We are suggesting that there is a way that the body, in its painful state, and you can co-exist.


How does this happen? The same way that someone who is handicapped can smile. It is possible to be in great pain and regain a sense of humour and a sense of optimism. However, we understand it is also very difficult. The nature of pain is to draw the mind, to draw all of those around you, into the pain and it is akin to a negative vortex.


We would ask those of you who are experiencing pain to allow the body to become as comfortable as possible. One of the great misnomers and difficulties with chronic pain is that it is stressful in itself. This causes the body to tense which exacerbates the pain. If you can learn to relax whilst in pain, we will call you “little Buddha” but, you will also experience a lightening of being. This will help free you from what feels like a life of perpetual misery. Over time, it will alleviate the worst effects of pain from the body.


The body will go through its cycles; at times it will be in a state of elation, at times it will be in a state of pain. But the body will always be looking to get itself back to health. Take comfort in that and help it out. Help it out by getting comfort and, as much as you can, taking the mind’s focus from the pain onto something which feels a little easier, this can be a film, birds, a conversation, a candle, a meditation. This is difficult for the pain will always pull the mind back but it can be used as a practice and over time this will be of great help for all of you who suffer pain, at times.


One of the most difficult pains to alleviate is pain in the head. For this is where the pain is directed into the mind. This requires, as is said in modern idiom, “lying in a dark room”. Give yourself what you need at all times. You will have an instinctive knowing of what will bring you relief. The relief may seem trivial to the effort when you are in pain but if you choose it, you are choosing to move towards life affirmation and thus, greater levels of healing.

Have we answered this question, Fiona?

FIONA: Yes, thank you. I have one more question relating to this. What about the role of pain relief medication versus using the techniques you have mentioned?

GUIDES: This should all be utilised, there is no need for suffering.

FIONA: What about when this medication has side effects such as drowsiness, such that one cannot function properly within their family?

GUIDES: For some, Fiona, the drowsiness will be a welcome relief to an alertness of living with chronic pain. For others, where the pain is of a lesser degree, it will be a difficult balancing act. There are those who do suffer with being able to function in day to day life and tolerate their pain medications. Keep seeking new approaches and feel what is right. Give the body what it needs. You will always juggle.

Ask yourself: What does your body need this time? What do you need this time? You may find you are fighting yourself. Your body needs rest yet your mind is telling you to complete a “to do list” or, must not let someone down or, be a soldier. Always look to harmonise yourself with the body. Remembering, that you are in union with the body. You are neither your body nor is your body you, but you work in union.